Disconnection

It has been almost a week since I left my job. It has also been almost a week that my lap top had to go to "hospital". From checking my emails every half hour, tweeting and keeping up to date on my tweeple, I'm checking things once a day at an internet cafe (pardon the rhyme).

Take this job and...

I had such high hopes when I started this job. It was a dream job. Permanent. Good pay. Interesting and meaningful.

I HAD hope.

It slowly started to turn into a nightmare. One half of my job anyway. The one team I was hired into is dysfunctional. At first I thought it was a rookie hazing thing. Only it never got better. It was obviousl the members of that team had no interest in having me on the team. I don't think it was me. I think it was they were territorial.

On the flip side, the second team I was on is amazing. Respectful and open to discussion.

I had been tolerating the bad team for the last seven months. I reached my limit. I begged. Off that team or I walk.

This morning I had a horrible feeling come over my body. I think it knew the answer before my brain heard it from the human resources lady. They decided I was so important to the comapny that they would accept my resignation.

Nice.

I am angry. I am angry that I left a perfectly good job to come to this one. I am angry that they promote a culture of respect and excellence and when I called them on it, I am the one to get blamed. I am angry that because i look like i am 19, this is what happens. I get treated like I am a rookie and no one ever gives me the respect I deserve.

Only i'm not 19. I am nearly twice that. I nearly died. I've run my business. I have been on my own since I was 17. Only I LOOK like I'm 19 years old.

Right now I am upset and angry. I don't know what I am supposed to do next.

Intermarriage 101

My guest post on Hadassah's blog has quite a few number of comments debating how open minded the Jewish community should be to interfaith couples.

In this corner: Halachah and pretty much Torah commanded NOT to marry anyone who isn't Jewish. Jewish Mitzvot - 613 to be exact that need to be followed

...and in this corner: family and community tradition of being a bit more loosey goosey with those 613 Mitzvot. Eating kosher at home but enjoying some Burger King bacon double cheeseburger on a Saturday afternoon.

So when thinking about prevention you need to ask yourself:

What is my child's relationship with me?
What is my child's relationship with Judaism?
What tools have I given my child in living within a secular society/culture (meaning the internet too!)
What will my reaction be if my child brings home a non Jewish partner?

What are my thoughts to interfaith relationships?
How do I feel about Jewish continuity?
How can I make interfaith relationships "work" towards Jewish continuity? What can i do to help?

What would you add?

Guest Post at in the Pink

Hadassah invited me to post on her series "My Judaism"

Apparently my Judaism has sparked quite the discussion. Very worthwhile to read through people's comments and experiences.

Work Rant

I know. I kvetch a lot. About this and that and the other thing. About not selling the house and about trying to get pregnant. And about work.

Lots of people complain about work. The hours, the stress, the boss.

For me, it's the colleagues.

I work in a toxic environment. Again. Last year, I was fired from a job that I also found toxic. Losing that job wasn't tragic.

I actually like what I do now. What i don't like is the level of disrespect and just general ooeyness around the office.

I don't get it and I don't like it.

I work at a place where people like to voice their opinions and wisdom. Extensively. Everyone has something to say about the work I am doing.

So then on occasion, someone decides to voice their opinion with a less than respectful tone. I talked to my human resources lady about this. She told me to ignore it. Just let it go.

So I have been letting them go. I have kept a few of them in my Outlook mail box. Evidence I suppose.

The latest one was just too much for me. I told my boss (who quit last week and is finishing up on Friday) that I was going home. I briefly told her the gist of my anxst and left.

I am getting to the end of my patience with this job and this environment. I want to quit. I've wanted to quit for a while, but for the sake my husband's sanity, I've been putting up with this.

He doesn't like to see me like this either. Me being like this is why we almost got divorced a couple of years back and I am NOT walking that path again.

No job is worth this. Seriously. r

Home is where the heart is

My husband and I are temporarily living in 480 square feet of condo. There is a separate kitchen, bedroom with a slider door, one closet, full bathroom and a washer and dryer. We have cable T.V. and WiFi. All the necessities.

This is one sixth of our previous 2400 square foot house that we moved out of on thursday. We had two bathrooms, four bedrooms, a large kitchen, living room, rec room and a ton of storage for our stuff.

Fortunately this condo comes fully stocked with dishes, flatware, and linen. We only had to bring our clothes and our lap top.

This makes me wonder, have we become so spoiled that we find the need to live in huge houses? Some of the houses we looked at had 4 bedrooms and FOUR bathrooms. Four! Our new house has one full bathroom and one powder room. I really only wanted one extra toilet, in case, you know, we have guests who just can't wait a few minutes.

My husband grew up with two siblings and his parents in 1500 square feet and one bathroom. Somehow he turned out perfectly normal.

Other people on the planet don't have a roof over the head or running water, let alone a functioning toilet.

Some families may share this same 480 square feet with their two siblings, and parents.

So while i joke about the teeny condo, I appreciate it. For now it's home and for us its more than enough.

It's moving day

I have watched the movers move five loads of our stuff and still so much seems to be left. We live on a hill which means the giant moving truck can't make it up. These movers are very courageously shuttling van-loads of our possessions up and down the hill.

I might also add that it's raining too.

It doesn't escape me either that this week's parashah, is Noach. The story of the Ark, the flood and Hashem's promise never to again destroy human-kind.

It has been a very hectic three weeks. Selling and closing the sale of our house, finding another place to live, and finding a temporary place to live. Packing and changing addresses. Cancelling the phone and electricity (i.e. hydro).

It has been hectic so I haven't had a chance to get emotional about the move. We've been packing a little bit every night, and doing a little bit every day. So now, I get to sit back and watch our movers shuttle our belongings down the hill.

So what am I feeling? After kvetching about moving since February? Well I did feel a bit sad. I mean this has been our home for the last five years. I nearly died here. I started my business here. I trained here. I celebrated here and tried to get pregnant here.

I admit, feeling sad didn't linger. Then fear settled in. Did we make the right decision to move? What will it be like living in suburbia? What work does the new house need?

The fear isn't last long either. For some reason, as I had before my surgery, as I had while walking by Palestinian protestors in front of a government building, I have put my hand in Hashem's and feel like He knows what is best. I admit, I don't feel this often.

I feel excited to move to civilization, to be closer to friends and go to my Rebbetzin's classes.

I feel thankful that after eight months Hashem decided that it is time that the house sells, and that we would find a new place to live near the Shul and near the Jewish community.

Load six....