Being a "good" Jewish Woman

The fact that men have a Brit Milah with Hashem and women don't is asked by Sarah in a "random question". I too wondered about it, but after reading the comments on Sarah's page, I decided to research a little more.

I had the following questions:

• If as a woman, I am exempt from most Mitzvot because in theory I have family responsibilities, what if I don't have children?
• Where exactly is it written that women are naturally closer to Hashem?
• Why do men get a Brit Milah and women don't?
• Are women "second class citizens" in the "Jewish view?

I think many "modern women" ask about the differences in roles men and women have in Judaism. It is interesting that in the latest issue of Havel Havelim most of the Torah posts are by women. Clearly, women have a huge interest in their spritiuality and want a closeness with Hashem just as much as men seek it.

I decided to email Chabad.org. I wasn't interested in a debate, I really wanted to know the answer. Chani Benjamin answered quite promptly the following (Thanks Chani!):

Good question. Men need the constant physical reminder of G-d's presence and their covenant, while women are considered spiritually more in tune with G-d and not in need of a reminder. Nor does she need an aliyah to the Torah. The word "aliyah" means to be called up, be elevated; a woman does not need the public elevation which comes from being called up to the Torah. This is because she is either naturally elevated due to her unique spiritually sensitive feminine soul, or because she achieves elevation through observing those special mitzvot which are designed to elevate the Jewish woman.

My initial reaction is kind of "umm, isn't that a bit of a cop out?" I mean, isn't it like saying "Oh sweet dear woman, you don't NEED an Aliyah. You are fine jus the way you are". I just have these images of Stewart Smalley looking at himself in the mirror saying "I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and doggone it, people like me."

Ok, sarcasm aside, I really don't believe that Judaism is as chauvinistic as people think it to be.

Some random toughts first: man has to be "altered" to be close to Hashem, women don't. Could that mean that women are already anatomically "close" to Hashem, and therefore don't need changing? Could there be truth to the old joke:
G-d made Adam before Eve because you always make a rough draft before the final copy...

My second thought was about woman and the miracle of child-birth. Women have a lot of power there. We have babies, and everything we think, eat and do during pregnancy can affect the baby. We can take off WITH the baby in our bellies if we wanted. Our abilities to bring life into this world is pretty Hashem-like, isn't it? This author agrees with me...

I responded to Ms. Benjamin, because I wanted to know where exactly it was written that women are naturally elevated. She sent me two very interesting links from the Chabad page.

The first is an article on how a woman can be fulfilled spiritually, sans enfants. I love this article. It gives me hope that yes, I can still be a giving Jewish woman and not be a mom. The second article, a little bit "heavier" is on TzimTzum - which I don't fully understand yet.

Men and Women are EQUAL to Hashem and have different roles spiritually. While men need a physical reminder, no, women do not. Yes they are more "spiritual". Women are more compassionate, caring and that is why they are the "Moms" and Caregivers. Men are more agressive. They are given certain Mitzvot to get them to "cool their jets" so to speak. In their agression, it is possible that they might perform their Mitzvot with a little too much "zeal".

Hashem recognizes men as conquerers, so He orders them to fulfill certain Mitzvot so that they are able to follow the Torah. Hashem also recognizes that women, don't need to be commanded. They are naturally more emotional, and more sensitive, and are able to "follow" well enough on their own. The fact that the self help books market to women, isn't only because we are more messed up, it's because we are messed up and we love to talk about why we are messed up. Men, (sorry guys) are just as messed up, they just aren't into talking about their feelings.

And so it seems, men and women balance each other out. Opposites attract, that sort of thing.

Here is a third thought - when the Sages interpreted the Torah, the fact is life IS the Torah. Our lives exist to learn and teach the Torah, and activities of the community should be focused on continuing this type of living. The only careers were: farmer, teachers, tailors and associated professions. That's it.

But now we are living in a pretty competitive society. Women want to be equal, understandibly so with men in the workforce. So it is safe to say that women seek to be equal to men in the eyes of Hashem too. edit: our physical existence should be equivalent- that is equal salaries and job titles. Sports programs should give the same funding to boys and girls. Salaries should be the same. Employers should hire both men and women. edit Absolutely and without a doubt women deserve to vote, to get paid the same as men. Just don't expect us to BE men. Men and women interpret the proverbial box differently. Some women think like men and vice versa, but the in general women and men solve problems differently.

In the eyes of Hashem, men and women are equal BUT different. Hashem made it that way. Hashem created Adam and consulted with the angels (scroll down the page a bit), but did not consult with them when He created Eve. Which is also why the morning blessings are the way they are (men thank Hashem for not being a woman, and women thank Hashem for creating us according to His will).

Interestingly enough, much of praying Halachah came from Chana, a woman. Prayer is seen as getting in touch with the feminine, as it is an outpouring of emotion (or at least should be).

It doesn't take much to watch the video of the Chassidim praying at the Tomb of Rachel to see that there are many Jewish men who understand that women have a closeness with Hashem and they honour this relationship.

Women are exempt from Mitzvot, not forbidden. In fact, learning the Torah is encouraged. In fact, it is believed that Moshe was told to give the Torah to the women first.

I have also found out that women's natural spirituality is written in the Zohar. I still need to do some research there. Perhaps someone can guide me where to look exactly? I found this interesting information on how women have Lev Ehad - that is one heart - as they do not "struggle" the same way as men do.

I even consulted with a Rabbi on the Askmoses who told me to learn the Torah, go out and make a positive difference in the world. Living a life compassionately and generously is living the Torah and being close to Hashem.

Some resources for the Jewish Woman (send me a comment if you have something to recommend):

Chabad's Women Page
Lilith Magazine
Torahwomen
AskMoses Women and Judaism

Thanks to Chani for responding to my questions.