The Parashah and what I learned from mountain bike racing

This week's Parashah includes many mitzvot to follow. One of them is not to etch tattoos on your body.



As you know, I have done a bit of mountain biking. The cycling community, both road and off-road are filled with participants with markings on their bodies, commemorating their experiences. People who complete Iron Man Triathlons often tattoo the logo. Cyclists like to tattoo bicycle related images on themselves.



One of my own racing goals was to complete a 24 hour mountain bike race - solo. I used to joke that once i finished my race, i too would need a tattoo. I joked about it because it seemed almost every solo racer had a tattoo. It almost seemed like a requirement. I did think about it. Getting a tattoo. But that voice didn't think it was a good idea. I knew it was a sin, but i still wanted one. I researched into how bad would it be. I stalled. I thought that it would be a way to celebrate my successes and my love of mountain biking. I thought of it as a decoration. Celebrating the body. Now as i look at those images i see it as a form of idol worship. Permanently etching the body with a bicycle chain or a logo is showing reverence to a thing really. I am sure someone may argue that they are showing respect for an ideal, for commitment to a goal and whatnot. My answer is now, but isn't that a bit of arrogance? Are you not then worshipping yourself? It takes two to tango as they say, and we each tango with Hashem. So any success was a gift from Him.



The voice i heard, was His. My yetzer harah tried to tell me it would be cool, but Hashem's voice was louder and stronger. Or maybe i chose to turn up the volume.



Jewish Tattoo Roundup

Chabad resources

Tattoo in Auschwitz

Video lecture on tattooing

Did I mention?

I started a new job a couple of weeks ago. A really great job. I love my job. It's exactly what i was hoping I would be doing. My ideal job was:

1) one that allowed me to write and research stuff
2) is meaningful work

I am working in a health related field - substance abuse to be exact as a writer/researcher. I am working on different project, some targeted at prevention for youth, and a bunch of other things.

My boss lets me take off Jewish holidays (i make up the hours though).

My co-workers are awesome.

Did i mention i love my job! Thanks Hashem!!

Efficient Torah Writing

As an effort to listen to something in the car that isn't music, I have downloaded a bunch of Shiurim. One particular one is on the Oral Torah. It is explained about how Hashem COULD have written everything in one long Torah, but it was more efficient just keep things short and sweet, and therefore applicable for all time.

Unlike the famous quote: "I made this [letter] very long, because I did not have the leisure to make it shorter"

The Parashah and what I learned from mountain bike racing

We just finished reading about a leprosy like condition (but is definitely NOT leprosy) in last week's parashah. It boils down to - if you speak Lashon Harah (gossip) then Hashem gives you a physical "sign" to shape up. In order to make up for it, birds were brought the Kohen - representing the chattering that the person might have done.

When I was racing in the "Sport" category (which is considered kind of beginner/amateur level of racing and should be competitive in a "fun" kind of way) I was really turned off with the chatter at the start line. One woman would kvetch about the number of people, and that the organizers should subdivide the category. (I liked big mass starts, it makes you have to work to get to where you need/want to be in the race). Then another would start in about not feeling great (legs are tired or getting over a cold) and then another...Soon no one is feeling good. Which always made me want to say something like "then why are you racing?" or "why did you tire yourself out in the last two days before the race?"

This idle chatter was what i called the pre-excuse. If they didn't do well during the race for one reason or another, they already laid out the reason at the start line ("see i told you i wasn't feeling well). The other thing i found is that when someone started in, inevitable someone would say things like "her not feeling well race is still better than my best ever race". (myself included). So all this kvetching just makes people not feel good about themselves.

In time, i learned to block it out. (and raced in a higher category).

The pre-race chatter was all a result of Leshon Harah. I really think they did feel insecure about their performances. But why? My theory - more Leshon Harah. They listened to so much gossip, criticisim and complaining, that is all they know - to complain. And listening to all that complaining - yes - like a bunch of chickens in a hen house...blak blak blak...

I was so happy when i moved up. I didn't necessarily "deserve" to. I wanted to. I wanted more of a challenge. I was pleasantly surprised when i got there. Quiet start lines, where the competitors all focused within for the last few minutes. Supportive women who would chear each other as they were called up (the top 5 of the series were called to the front).

One of the best experiences was when once i was the only one in the 30+ category. The race organizers asked the 20+ group if they mind "an extra body". They moved a space right in front for me and cheered me up to the start line.

As the Parashah explains, Leshon Harah can affect you physically, you start off listening to it, then you start complaining about this or that, and eventually you can't see any good in the world.

Post number 200

and why do I feel so lousy?

Could it be because I've already messed up my Omer time, because I didn't know about the music thing?

Could it be because we still haven't sold the house, and I'm still not pregnant?

or rather, could it be that I upset a friend?

I didn't know I upset her. I didn't know that my absence actually affected her.

The background - she's a friend. She's a nice friend. She remembers the Jewish holidays (she's Catholic) and my birthday. She came to our wedding. We haven't been keeping in touch the last few years for this reason or that.

Her wedding was announced and so were a bunch of pre-wedding events. I didn't go. I had two reasons - the first, at the time, my marriage was almost over. I really was in no mood for weddings. The second, i hate the bridal shower stuff. I really do. Dumb games and watching someone open a bunch of presents while everyone decides whether the other gal spent enough or is too cheap...it just isn't for me. We did go to their wedding.

Then she announced her pregnancy. The first baby shower was on Shabbos, so I was unable to go. The second one...well, again, I don't like present giving parties. It isn't that I mind buying someone a gift. I just find watching someone open a bunch of presents while everyone else oohs and aahs just painfully boring.

So really, I have only seen this friend on average about once per year in the last four.

Early this week she sent me a very angry email. Woh. She is TICKED off with a very big capital T. After all this time, she explains how disappointed she is, and etc etc. I apologized, explained that I really do have my reasons (I didn't want to have to explain how i nearly got divorced) and that I appreciate her honesty and certainly for telling me. and i do. Because if i am doing something that is clearly distressing, then i want to be able to correct it. I may not like going to the parties, but i can make more of an effort to make a quick show or something.

Well, that certainly didn't cut it for my friend. Still angry. So angry in fact she suggested I should my response to my husband. I'm not really sure what she was trying to imply, i am pretty sure it wasn't flattering.

anyway, i don't understand why after YEARS of absence she is suddenly angry. I have a hunch the pregnancy hormones might be making her slightly emotional. I don't know.

I feel bad but not really guilty if that makes sense. I feel bad for obviously upsetting her. Had i known she would be upset, i would have tried to find some kind of solution...but I apologized. I mean should i be sending the "oh i am soooo sorry, please please please forgive me?" kind of notes. I explained I was sorry. I told her i appreciated her honesty and that yes she really has been a nice friend. What more can i say?

Random Thoughts on the Parashah

This week's Parashah includes a nice little section on Nidah. Oy Nidah. Women are impure, unclean each month and after giving birth. On top of that - they are unclean even longer when giving birth to girl!

We want to somehow give this an explanation. It's Hashem's will. It's how the "Old Boys" control the women. Oy. and Vey.

I do believe this is Hashem's will, and maybe something we aren't really meant to figure out. I almost feel badly for the Rabbis trying to explain this. No matter what they say, someone somewhere will say that the explanation is just a cop out, Nidah is a concept to control women, etc and etc.

As I was reading the first few lines of the Parashah, I had the following thought - what if it isn't to control women - but to control the MEN? What if, and Hashem knows after the Golden Calf, how the men can be a bit irrational (as the women, it was explained did not participate in this sin)...that because men have a Brit Milah (and women don't), that maybe Hashem knows on some scale, the men DO think they are superior. The men might feel, "uh oh, we just had a girl. We should try having another child right away!" They may even try to ehmm...get rid of her, so that when and if they have a child and it is a boy, they can claim a son as a first born. Hey, these are the boys that in the face of receiving Torah, went for the Golden Calf, so anything is possible.

Work with me. Perhaps by making this Nidah period longer, dad's have a bit more time to bond with girl baby before jumping on mom to "try again". By forcing this time, maybe Dads will learn that the baby, even though she is a girl, isn't a curse on the house, but another blessing, just as a boy would be.

S'firat Haomer and what I learned from Mountain bike racing

I am listening to another wonderful Shiur on naaleh.com on the Omer. Mrs. Smiles explains that the counting of the Omer is about counting the days that have passed since the second day of Pesach, rather than the number of days left until Shavuot. This is because we are working on the process of being elevated towards Hashem. This is about the process of self-improvement.

In racing, we say that most of the work is getting TO the start line. The actual racing part, is actually pretty easy. Get on bike, ride hard. But getting there....

There is the training. Maintaining weight. Making sure the bike is working. Packing for the racing, planning to get there...every day is something. When it comes to training, it is entirely about the process. The racing part, is the result of the process. Whether you have prepared your body and your mind for the challenge of the race will come out at the finish line.

S'firat Haomer is about a process - it starts at the Seder. We decide what we make of the Seder. Is it a chore, a painful couple of hours of listening to the story again. Or will it be family quality time, or a chance to think about some of the themes.

We take each day, one at a time to improve. Achieving high levels of spirituality and goodness seems, well, impossible at times. Take everything one thing at a time, as I had with keeping Shabbos - first turn off the phone, then the electricity then the car and now here I am. I'm still not perfect, I still don't know all the ins and outs of the Halachot. And I am in an interfaith marriage. There is much to learn.

When i saw three days of Yom Tov and Shabbos, I really didn't think I would pull it off. The cooking, the isolation, the interfaith thing. I did one thing at a time. I set the menu, I got things ready. I stayed in the moment. I stopped worrying about what I would do for 72 hours. I just knew what needed to be done now. And I managed.

Our first "real" Pesach

I am actually finding it hard to put into to words the most wonderful time my husband and I have had over the last few days. He watched me prepared Pesach meals, his only task - I asked if he, as long as he is comfortable, to find something that he felt was meaningful to add to the Seder. I told him the many different themes - Hametz (Yetzer Harah), being slaves to our "baggage", spring...so many different, not necessarily only Jewish themed readings that can fit into those.

He found the story on Chabad on the Four Boxes of Matzah. He cried as he read the story, because it touched him so much to read on such kindness. It made me cry to have him include so much of himself on "my" holiday.

He sat through the entire two Seders - yes, I read the whole Haggadah, cover to cover. This was also a first for me. Growing up, like most, we would read through most of the pre-dinner stuff, eat dinner and, the afikoman and that was that.

We did it all. I think he really did enjoy hearing the story, even twice, because he picked up on different pieces each time.

I did manage to "survive' three days of yom tov. no i didn't bike, i didn't "cave" into the computer, phone, or anything else. I did realize after the first Seder that the fridge light hadn't been taped, something hubby corrected for me. Even the freezer (which i had forgotten to mention too!) He is amazing.

I did misunderstand the "showering on yom tov" thing, and i did have a shower. My head gets very itchy if i don't wash my hair, so yes, I was uncomfortable. I would have washed it in cold water if i had to. I'll know better for next year.

I'll post a little more later, check the whats for shabbos blog to see some of what I made up for us to eat.

Happy Pesach!

Pesach cleaning, cooking and everything in between

As I do the final house prepations for Pesach, I notice that every time I have prepared the house or cooked for Shabbos and now for Pesach, I feel differently. I am no longer feeling like I HAVE to do this chore. Preparing the house has become quite spiritual. When I was focused on my "palace" I used to call it finding my inner goddess (one from Greek mythology). I no longer feel that way. I feel that every time I prepare the house or do some cooking, its about my relationship with Hashem and my relationship with my husband. It is about getting the house ready for a holy time, whether it is Shabbat, (and now Pesach).

I can honestly say that it is during this time, I am completely present. My only real worry I guess, is whether I am doing enough to meet the Halachic guidelines. I chase away those worries now, not to cut corners, but to keep in the present, to keep doing my best.

haveil-havalim-211

HH is up!

Yesterday was my first day at my new job. I have a ton of questions. This is beyond just a new place to work. This is a new field (for me), new everything. I wonder, if i am asking some silly questions.

The good Rabbi discusses about questions, and how questions really show what is in a persons heart. I commented, that "they say" there are no silly questions.

Let's see...

Let's recap the past few days...

Monday - I took the day off. I finally installed my Mezuzah. Then I went out and bought dishes and utensils for Pesach.

Tuesday and Wednesday - My last couple of the days of the old job.

Today - I started my new job. Very exciting. New field, new work. I cleaned my freezer for Pesach.

Remaining tasks:

1. Kasher my Pesach dishes in my creek.
2. Prepare my pots and sink for Pesach.
3. Wash Kashered dishes
4. Vaccum house
5. Wash table cloth in dining room and do final dusting in there
6. Start cooking!

Noooo problem.